Almost weekly now, I am faced with trying to block a friendly dog from “saying ‘hi'” to my dog.
I am very happy that your dog is friendly, social, and outgoing. However, it can be a bad idea to just let your dog go up to other dogs without asking the owner first.
I know it can be hard to remember all the reasons why a friendly dog shouldn’t just be able to make new friends. I have friendly dogs myself. BUT I also have a dog with genetic aggression issues. I have worked very hard to counter-condition her natural tendency to react. I work very hard to prevent a situation in which she might actually get close enough to another dog to have an incident. She is always on leash in public settings so as to maximize my control over her behavior. She does not bark at other dogs while she is on leash. She does not lunge at other dogs while on leash. She does not actually give any indication that she is a reactive dog, because of all the training I have done with her. In fact, she is wonderful with my other dogs (including my 3lb Chihuahua) and small children. And yet, I am constantly on high alert, because “friendly” dogs just want to say “hi”.
My reactive dog, Penelope, letting my friendly Chihuahua, Polly Pocket, use her as a (literal) dog bed.
I am not saying your friendly dog needs to be on a leash. After-all, he is friendly. However, I do think that he should not be allowed to just walk up to other dogs to say “hi” without the permission from the other dog owner.
My friendly dogs, whether they are on leash or off leash, do not go to visit other dogs. I have taught them to stay with me both for their safety (what if the other dog is not friendly or sick?) and as a form of respect for the other dog and owner (what if the other dog is fearful, reactive, or in the middle of a training session?).
You can’t always tell by looking at a dog if they are friendly or sick. For your dog’s safety, always ask before you let them say “hi”.
Just as we try to teach human children to not approach strange dogs without permission from the dog’s owner first, I would love to see dogs not approach other dogs without permission from the other dog’s owner first.
I understand just wanting to allow our pets to be social. But it is truly in their best interest if we do not allow them to visit with strange dogs. Please arrange play dates with other dogs and owners who you know to be friendly and healthy, or at the very least, ask the owner of the dog who your dog wants to visit if it is okay first.
Do you have anything to add? I would love to hear your opinion on dogs who just want to say “hi” in the comments!
In addition to your points, many people also have friendly *but rude* dogs. A 1 year old Lab barreling up and sniffing another dog in the face may not mean any harm, but he’s still being a jerk. One of my favorite articles by Suzanne Clothier does an excellent job describing this: http://www.suzanneclothier.com/the-articles/he-just-wants-say-hi
I am also curious, how did you determine had your dog’s aggression was genetic?
I love Suzanne Clothier! I have actually attended her seminars. I agree, that allowing your dog to come running up to another dog is rude. A person wouldn’t like it if another person invaded their personal space so rapidly. Especially if that other person was a stranger. I don’t know why we tend to let our dogs act in ways we wouldn’t like people acting.
As for your question about my dog: Multiple things led to that conclusion. First, her first aggressive reaction happened at eight weeks old (she attacked another dog in the face over a piece of food). My first presumption was that it was resource guarding, not aggression, but her aggression continued from there despite the fact that she never had a bad socialization experience with another dog. Then, when she was three years old, I found out from her breeder that her father had tried to kill another dog. In the breeder’s defense, she didn’t know he was aggressive at the time of the breeding, and as soon as she found out that he was aggressive and had produced aggression, he was altered. I have done a lot of positive reinforcement based behavior modification, and my veterinarian recently added a low dose of “anger management” medication to our regimen. Both of these things have helped greatly, but I know that I can never let my guard down with her.
I love this post! Chuleta, my Chihuahua, is not friendly. If a strange dog approaches, I must quickly pull her away in fear of her snapping in their face. It’s difficult to convince people of her aggression because she is so small and adorable, so telling them not to approach (especially with a dog) can comes across as insulting. I just wish people were a bit more respectful Good post!
Great Post! I have been promoting my children’s book written to teach children how to behave around dogs. In the book I’ve introduced the concept of a ‘Yellow Ribbon’ which is becoming recognized as a sign for children – and other dog owners to give dogs that require it, their extra space.
Cookie is definitely one of the dogs who always want to say hi. Jasmine was that way too. JD not so much; he particularly takes his time warming up to males.
I agree completely with this! My dog is very friendly but sometimes he is selective and I would rather the person who has a new dog around him slowly introduce. I know he would never do anything but I would never want to put him into a difficult uncomfortable situation.
I had one Corgi who loved people and another that was terrified of them and other dogs so it did not go well when people rushed up to pet her or when dogs rushed her. Very frustrating!
Great post, I definitely agree.
I have had several foster dogs that did not like certain sizes of dogs or certain “personalities” of dogs. It is always so frustrating when I have my dog on leash and under control and a rude off leash dogs comes running up.
Just like you wouldn’t go running up to a human you don’t know and get all up in his or her space, I would expect the same respect from dogs. I always ask if it’s okay to approach a dog. And unless invited, I don’t let my dogs visit any dog without their human’s permission.
–Wags (and purrs) from Life with Dogs and Cats
Very good points and something people with friendly dogs may never have had to give a thought to. Thank you for sharing this. My dog is reactive as well & I also don’t like it when other dogs come running up to him since I can’t know how he’ll react. sometimes he’s totally friendly, but some dogs he just doesn’t like and will let them know it.
Good point- thanks for the reminder that not all dogs welcome a sniff from a stranger and that we should teach our dogs to respect the space of dogs they may not know. Do you hear that Teddy? We have some work to do on that one.
This is a great message and I’m glad you wrote the article. I had a German Shepherd that was reactive and aggressive. It took many years to get her to a comfortable spot, and there were a lot of “instances” in between where she met up with a well-meaning dog. I wish you all the best, and thank you for all that you do for your dogs.
You have a good point – looks can be deceiving. The last thing any reasonable person wants is for someone to get sick or hurt. It is best not to take any chances.
I have written about this topic too. Ike, my golden, enjoys meeting other dogs. But my spaniel Kelly is not very welcoming to strange dogs (she loves all people though.) It’s a challenge to walk in our neighborhood for that reason.
I really hate when people want their dogs to say hi. Mauja and Atka are great in those situations, but it seems as if most people really don’t know their dog very well. Just last weekend, some lady ask me if her dog could say hi to Atka and when the two dogs approached each other, the other dog growled and lunged at Atka. I later found out she was testing his male dog aggression.
Gee thanks, lady. I was not happy.
Many dog’s don’t like to be approached by other, unfamiliar dogs. Especially when one is on the leash and the other is not. No one should ever assume that all dogs want to say hello.
I love dogs (although I don’t have one right now) but I’m not a big fan of unknown friendly dogs approaching me when I’m out walking. Sometimes owners seem to think that because they love their dogs everyone else will too but some (large dogs especially) can be boisterous and confronting to people who aren’t used to them.
This is so true. It is ALWAYS a good idea to ask….you just don’t know what a dog is dealing with, their background, temperament, etc. So frustrating!
I have a very reactive dog, and I really don’t like it when other people allow their dogs to come up on mine, even if it’s for a friendly “hello”. It’s amazing how many people naively think that just because their dog is great with other dogs and people, mine must be too. It really makes venturing off my property quite a challenge!
I totally agree with you. I happen to take a class where dogs frequently roam the building. When I pick Riley up as they come around they always assume that Riley is not friendly. First of all, she is wearing her service vest, and secondly, I just don’t let random dogs walk up to her. I think a lot of people who are very aware of dog behavior are more aware of “etiquette” around other dogs. This is probably why I don’t like going to dog parks too.
Luna is reactive too and we often run into issues. There are certain people in my apartment complex who don’t leash their dog and they run up to Luna when she is on leash. It is a bad situation. I just wish their owners would think about it.
I always assume that a strange dog isn’t friendly. I’d rather be taken as standoffish than regret having caused a bad situation. I’m sure that I have been offensive when I pick up my Maltese at the vet’s office when a large dog walks in, but again, better safe than sorry. Even though my dogs are pretty friendly in general, I can’t be sure that my dogs won’t start something and I certainly don’t know how another dog will react.
When I was a kid, our Bullmastiff attacked our Yorkie out of the blue. They had lived together peacefully for more than a year. The Yorkie survived (many stitches) and the rest of us were scarred for life. (We did our best to keep them separate for the next 8 years.)
Kama, How can anyone not comment on your article …great story & I am a dog lover. I alway assume too that all dogs are friendly and try to pet them. But, dogs will let you know thats a good thing or back away now!. Thanks for sharing.
Great thoughts. I wish some owners of aggressive dogs would keep their dogs out of off leash area. I keep my “friendly” dog on a leash in public areas and well away from other dogs (unless we know the other dogs). It seems to me that bringing an aggressive dog to an off leash area is asking for trouble.
Great message!
I totally agree. We have a golden retriever mix who is VERY social and loves meeting new dogs, but we never let her go up to “say hi” until we ask the owner if it’s okay for her to come over to sniff. She also HATES it when new/strange dogs just run up to her while she is on a leash; she feels really cornered and trapped and I hate that I have to pull her away/push the other dog away so we can set up for a proper introduction. We are still working on training Rosie to not bolt after dogs; she really likes playing with them, and I always feel so bad when she takes off if I’m not prepared to stop her. She’s getting better, though!
THANK YOU for this post. My dog, Shadow, is a big, sweet, goofy German shepherd mix who loves people…and hates other dogs. It’s very stressful when well-meaning people approach with their dogs, thinking she must like them because she looks so sweet. Well she is sweet, but not a friend to your dog. I wish more people knew this! I will look forward to your posts on the FB L t B group. Thanks!
That is so true! We had a great dane mix that did not like other dogs. We actually had some people bring their dogs to a party at our house without asking first if that would be okay. Not a good idea.
What a really great, insightful article! We just adopted our second dog two days ago, and this is a terrific reminder of good dog-owner manners. So many times, both other dogs and their humans mean well, but friendly intentions aren’t necessarily well-received. It’s important to remember common courtesies … that makes everyone comfortable and safe.
I have two very friendly dogs so I never think this way. It’s definitely helpful for you to share these things so that other dog owners can understand! Love it!